Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.