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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married