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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.