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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.