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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.