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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
It takes balls to be a man.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.