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People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.