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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?