Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.