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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data