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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.