Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?