Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.