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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.