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"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.