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To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Soup of the day: Beer
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
My doctor said Iām healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.