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I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."