Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....