Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.