Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.