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The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.