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Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist