Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.