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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!