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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch