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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.