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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?