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Iām trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now Iām drunk.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.