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Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"