Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.