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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...