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A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Plan B includes margaritas.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...