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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.