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Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
God is creative... I mean look at me??
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.