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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.