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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
You are wasting your time reading this status.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
I make a great second impression.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers