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Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what