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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...