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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.