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I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.