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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat