Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
I put the hot in psychotic.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.