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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Dear God, IΒ΄ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I havenΒ΄t been mean at all, but IΒ΄m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.