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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew