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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)