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Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver