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"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.