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The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Remember when the world ended last year?
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.