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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
So long pants! See you Monday!
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.