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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.