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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball