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Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.