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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.