Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!