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Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
Can I get likes for no reason?
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.