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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!