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Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
if I was a bird, I know who Iยดd poop on first.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
Are you supposed to get an email that says โ€œHAHAHAHAHAโ€ after signing up for Match.com?
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.