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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside