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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
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TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"