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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.