Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
he who laughs last thinks slow
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.